Saturday, August 9, 2008

When I think back on it, what upset me most about the Clinton-Lewinsky affair wasn't so much the gross abuse of elected power, or the obstruction of justice that followed, but that the most powerful man in the world settled for that. I mean, it's not like he admitted to finger-banging Rosie O'Donnell in a Shoney's bathroom (at least publicly), but the Kennedy's passed around Marilyn Monroe - the least he could have done was get caught getting an H.J. from Jenny McCarthy.

John Edwards, same thing. Sure, in a few photos his mistress looks comely (editor's note: Am I Henry James?), but you're trying to tell me Kim Catrall or Jennifer Love Hewitt haven't been waiting by their phones for this very scenario for years? STEP IT UP! You've got the "world's most powerful aphrodesiac" as Kissinger so memorably put it, and your career is careening over the cliff because of a run-of-the-mill MILF? I don't get it.

Take note of Nicolas Sarkozy. The French President gets dumped by his wife for a billionaire financier, and what does he do? Go down to Rite Aid and try to take home the pharmacy tech? Check the Craigslist personals? Nope. He picks up Carla Bruni and calls it a career. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

1 comment:

Erin said...

First off, Nicolas Sarkozy could've seduced Carla Bruni even if he were a pimply-faced 11-year-old. I'm sure, even then, he had merlot and the libido of a god running through his veins (Editor's note: If you're Henry James, then I'm Henry Miller).
Also, I think what we're missing here is a little something I like to call the 'Hair Factor' that politicians seem to calculate into their Amstel Light-hazed decision-making process about extramarital relations.
I'm sure Clinton spent way too many wee hours of the morning waking up and looking next to him, thinking, "I wish I didn't have to look at that butchy-version of Ellen's haircut." Can you blame him when Lewinsky's post-college 'Hello-world-I'm-a-cute-and-chubby-young-professional!' coif came bobbing along? No one can say no to those bangs and that amount of hairspray. No one.
Needless to say I wasn't too shocked when I saw what Edwards dug up for himself. Hunter's hair is insane, but a helluva a lot more interesting than his wife's.
So, between being amazed at her name-dropping Bret Easton Ellis and discussing her party-girl ways of the 1980's, I'm sure Edwards was hypnotized into doing whatever she had in mind by that headband. My God, that headband!