Monday, December 1, 2008

Tonight I got stoned and took pictures of the Christmas tree. Here are the results, with my internal dialogue as the shoot progressed:

"Using flash is for pussies. This looks way much cooler. I actually prefer it blurred. Let me just balance this camera on the back of a chair in the middle of the room..."

"Wow. That looks cool. That looks like a book cover. I should write a book. What should it be about? Something related to Christmas, if I'm gonna use this picture I guess. Maybe some kind of family drama that comes to a head around Christmas. That's kind of limiting - maybe this isn't the cover for my book afterall. Lemme think about this later."

"If that first one was out of focus, this one was definitely good, I'm pretty sure. I wonder what a publisher would say if I actually tried submitting this as the cover for my book. Am I really taking pictures of the Christmas tree?"

"Offset - is this cool? I can't tell. This could be the cover for Spoon's Christmas album. I heard that guy was a cocksucker."

"This is like jeweled tree guts. I don't even know what I'm looking at! I left a Mama Celeste pizza in the freezer, right? Or did I eat that?, it's still in there. I ate the Zesty Four Cheese but there's an Original in there too. Or do I want some Cookie Crisp? My legs feel awesome."

"Even deeper into the tree. (What am I saying?) This would make an awesome desktop image. I better go with the Cookie Crisp. It's like 2 in the morning and I don't want to go bed with the Mama Celeste aftertaste in my mouth. Bagel Bites would be a different story. I wonder if anyone's died in this house."

"Wait - that looks kinda cool, all blurry and shit. Blurs are a picture of motion. Does that make sense?"

"I wish I had a sweater with color triangles all over it like this. A dark red one would be nice. Do I know anyone that can make one for me? I wonder what the going rate is on handmade sweaters these days? Wow I'm not even trying to fuck these pictures up."

"These look like Pac Mans...Pac Men...whatever. I'm getting tired of taking pictures. I wanna get into some shit. I wish there was somebody here who would bet me $500 that he could beat me in Super Tecmo Bowl, because I could use that money. Is it too late to start watching Fargo? Ahh fuck..."

"Wait - the living room looks awesome."